My name is Josh, I'm 21, I'm Christian, and I'm single.
AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!
These last few months I have been in a place of observing myself and others to further develop my understanding of what I want in a relationship. I've really enjoyed it, but as I've been paying more attention, I've also been incredibly frustrated. Sooooo frustrated!
I think that in some churches, singleness is looked down on, and I'll be really blunt and say I think that’s just plain dumb. Don't get me wrong, I look forward to dating and eventually marrying someone - I get excited about it. but to look down at singleness: there's no biblical justification, there's no logic- it's just plain dumb. But that's not what I'm frustrated by, my grievance is perhaps a little more subtle. Let me try and describe it.
Young, single guy is hanging out with friends. Similarly aged single girl exists. Guys friends - "You and her would be cute!"
If single guy doesn't act fast enough for his friends, it often gets more intense. Messages, looks, subtle (though often not that subtle) comments, and endlessly trying to get them in the same room together. And if they were to ever look at each other, smile, or have a conversation - wedding bells! And don't even get me started on the implications of a guy and girl having coffee together!🤦♂️
I don't know, but I imagine it's similar from a girl's perspective.
Please, please just stop! I know it's all meant in innocent fun and excitement. I've done it myself; I've set up a few people and tried to set up a bunch more. But what we don't realise we're doing is we are shaping people’s perspective of relationships.
Back to young single guy - he's now questioning how he feels about said similarly aged single girl. She is kinda cute, should he ask her out? Well, there goes almost any chance of them getting to know each other naturally and just becoming good friends (which I'm told by my happily married friends is a pretty key part to successful relationships). Every time they hang out, there's this thought running through his head 'could (or should) we be more than friends?'
I personally value deep friendships (outside of romance) extremely highly, and I think it's healthy to be able to have girl friends and guy friends. So when I look at a girl, smile at a girl, or generally exist in the same universe as a girl, THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.
On a side note, when you're all hinting and suggesting, have you considered that if the guy has the confidence and he likes the girl, he will ask her out without your nudging? And if he isn't willing to, perhaps he'll seek out your advice? And if he won't do either of those, he's probably not ready to date someone...
Side side note, sometimes a guy chooses to wait. He can feel like the timing is wrong and choose to wisely wait. And that's ok too.
So please, before the next time you start hassling a friend for fun, think about whether you’re actually being helpful or harmful.
Thus concludes my rant
Commentaires