I'm sitting in my church auditorium, involved in Youth Alive's event 'Australia’s biggest watch party', and we enter into a familiar circumstance. Songs. I want to sing with everything in me, I've learnt over the years I express myself to God through music, and as the music starts, so does the stirring deep inside me. But I squash that feelings because singing in a group environment isn't covid safe. And as I squash that feeling I begin to zone out, open Instagram, and get comfy. If I can't do what I do, then this is where I switch off. Can you relate, or is it just me? Am I the only one who starts to zone out of church, of worship moments?
And then as I began to zone out, the thought came "Covid didn't change God - how does He feel about this?"
I miss church in person, I miss corporate worship, I miss mingling in the foyer - but while I miss these things, how does God feel? I'm so quick to zone out when I don't get what I want or what I'm used to. But when did it become about me? Worship was never about me, and I never want it to be about me.
Whoah - I actually love the feeling of conviction. I want God. I want a deep, flourishing relationship with God. Covid hasn't changed that either - but it's almost as if when the 'things' that I used to do to draw near to His presence stopped, so did I. And that’s not ok with me.
"What if I was to choose to still draw near, to still worship from my heart, to still stop and give God my full attention, my entire focus?"
So I made a decision - if Covid didn't change God, then I don't want to allow it to change my hunger and my desire for Him. And as I made this decision, I put down my phone, I got on my knees, and I began to worship Him with all that I have. Because who knows - worship is more than a song.
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