To everyone who feels the weight of the struggle inside their mind - the struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, stress, overwhelming to-do lists and exhausting relationships, I felt the need to write this -This is for you! For all of those who feel like life is getting the upper hand, who feel their thoughts spiralling. For all of those who wake up and go to bed feeling a fog of emptiness, bitterness, frustration, hurt, and hopelessness - This is for you!
I struggle when I write because I'm scared of being that person who never shuts up, that person who everyone gets annoyed at, or the person who thinks what they write is special yet the world sees as trash. But when I stop to think about why I write, I write because there's a chance that one person will read what I write and it will change their day, their week, and perhaps even their life. And so I want to write this for you.
I'm no expert, I am no psychologist and I'm no Jesus, but I am someone who can relate, who knows the feeling of emptiness and hopelessness. I've broken down in panic attacks in meeting rooms at camps, in back rooms at church, in my car driving home, and on my bedroom floor. I've had that gnawing feeling of emptiness and hopelessness attach itself to everything that I do. I've felt the need to run away, but without a clue where to run to. I've had the thoughts that it would be easier if it all just ended, I've been depressed, I've been suicidal. I've been trapped in my head more times than I can count. I've felt what you've felt, I've hurt like you've hurt. While at the same time, no one can hurt like you do, there are those of us who can empathise with you.
But what's more is that I've also been happy, hopeful, and full of life. It's there in me, a dark thought process that is more than ready to resurface and re-enter my life, but I managed to resurface after years of drowning in my pain. So to everyone struggling in your pain, in your hurt, and in your issues, here's a reminder - there are others who have been there before, and who have come out the other end.
There were many words screamed from clifftops, there were many nights crying myself to sleep, there were more days shutting myself off than I can count. How many tears have you cried and how many sleepless nights have you endured? How many empty days, hopeless tasks, and hurt filled conversations (or often lack of) have you endured?
I say that the number is too high to be wasted. We've cried too many tears and endured too much pain for me to believe it was all for nothing.
And so here's the thing - what got me through wasn't natural. It wasn't a person. It was a desperate clinging to a God who I believed loved me. God is real, He is, and He loves you. He cares about you far more than you could know. Day by day He walked that journey with me, day by day He never let me down, and day by day I walked out of that tunnel. I would say that I owe everything I have to God - and He wants you to know Him as well. So if you're desperate, if you don't know where else to turn and you've had enough: reach out to God. Download a Bible app and start reading Mark, talk to Him, ask a friend how to talk to Him. Give it a go. God changed my life in an incredible way, and he can do the same for you!
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