Whatever the cost may be

Young idyllic Josh sat by the bamboo plant in his backyard. 7 Years old and yet to really begin the journey that shaped him into the man he is today. Sitting with his back to the ornate fence, smooth white pebbles under his legs, and the green and yellow tones of bamboo by his side - he pulled out his journal and wrote. Letters to God thanking him for making the earth and telling Him that he loved Him. Pictures drawn for God, with notes saying "I hope you like it". He sat and carefully copied Bible verses into his journal, never minding his poor spelling ability. He wanted to know God and to be known by Him. He was willing to follow God, whatever the cost may be. Nearly 20 years on from the first date in young Josh's 'prayer journal', I still have the book. It is filled with the innocent trust and adoration of a young man who wanted to live a life for His God. Nearly 20 years later and so much has changed - I've grown into leadership, I run camps for young people, I've experienced pain that I never knew possible, I've said goodbye to loved ones, I've walked journeys of shame and guilt, I get married in just a few short weeks, I run a youth group, and so much more. But one thing has not changed - I still want to know God and be known by Him. I was reflecting last night during a time of corporate worship. The cost of following God has increased. It cost everything back then at 7 years old, and it still costs everything today. But everything has changed - I have so much more to give up, so much more to have to trust God with. No longer do my parents provide food and shelter for me. I will soon have a marriage to entrust to God. My leadership and my abilities. My shortcomings and my failures. To know God and be known by him has a great cost attached to it now.

And as I reflected last night, a statement stirred in me - 'whatever the cost'. I don't always do this well, I am not always the man I want to be, I don't really know how to do this. But whatever the cost - I want Him. Whatever the cost may be, I want my life to be lived for Him. Whatever the cost, I want my family to live for him. Whatever the cost, I want to live a life marked by the characteristics of a godly man. Whatever the cost - I want to know Him more. And so I sit here again this morning pondering. It's easy to make a statement in the height of an emotional moment. But am I really willing to pay whatever the cost may be to have God at the center of my life? Am I really willing to give it all up for Him, every single day? And, in this moment, the answer is yes. Because whatever the cost may be, the relationship and the journey it brings are worth so much more.

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I wrote this on May 8th of this year. I am now married, and since then I have been doubly challenged on this topic. Our young adults went away for a few days on retreat a few weeks ago, and a recurrent theme throughout the retreat was 'counting the cost'. In that moment, I forgot I had drafted this, but I was once again stirred. God, if it's 5:30am wake ups to spend time with you - I'll pay the cost.

If it takes giving up what I wanted to do to be there for someone you direct me to, I'll pay the cost

If you ask of me to dethrone my desires through fasting, I’ll pay the cost. 

Whatever the cost may be, I'll pay it.

When I look ahead and count the cost that may be asked of me, I can’t help but be nervous. But as I stand here today, I am more convinced than ever that it is worth every ounce of myself that I give to walk with God. 

Am I really willing to pay whatever the cost may be to have God at the center of my life? Am I really willing to give it all up for Him, every single day? Today, a few months on from initially writing this, and my heart cries the same thing. Yes, yes, a thousand times and for a thousand lifetimes yes.