Ok, so there's a few topics that I'm like super passionate about.
How flippinly, awesomely, amazing life with God is
How incredible food is (ok, if you've never thought about this - God didn't have to give us taste buds!)
How big of a deal the people we allow influence in our lives are
Now on that third one, specifically talking about those people who you allow to get close to you: those People who can call you out when your being fake, people who can tell you when your being an idiot, being who can give you relationship advice, people who can give you career advice.
Cause here's the thing - the people who you allow to have influence in your life will affect who you become in the next 5 years. The people you surround yourself with now look a little bit like the future you.
So who do you allow to have influence in your life?
I remember clearly the day in my life when I decided to stop talking to all my friends. Just stopped talking to all of them overnight. I decided to be super intentional about all my relationships, and so I ran an experiment. Anyone who started a convo with me after that, I started talking to again. But there were many people who I haven't talked to since. Flawed, maybe - but I think less than 10% of my 'friends' kept in touch.
Another moment I clearly remember was when I recongnized that I didn't have deep relationships. I was lonlely while being surrounded by a large crowd, and I wasn't doing great. So I picked 3 guys, and I hung out almost only with them for about 6 months. They were my time priority in every situation - I said no to hanging out with other people many times so that I could be with these three guys. Again, maybe flawed, but it worked. And then more recently, I begun to see a need to be around people a bit older and wiser. So whenever I had questions I didn't have an answer to, I would write it down. When I had a few, I would make a time with someone who I respected and wanted to be like (at least in the area I had questions about) to have a coffee and talk it over.
I'm not saying that you should copy me, but these are a few glimpses into what has been such an important journey in my life. They say that you become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. I don't want to just let anyone have a say in my life - I care enough about who I am to be super intentional. The people who you allow influence are going to have influence: on your relationships, on your thought patterns, on your potential.
So again I have to ask - who do you allow to have influence in your life?
Jesus modeled how to do this. He had 12 close friends, and within that 12 he had his 3.
The people who I listen to now are going to change the course of my life. The people you listen to now are going to change your life.
So I'm a little crazy with lists (some would say OCD), just a prewarning. But I broke down in a list the different types of relationships that I could have, and this is what I came up with. (These descriptions of course are only summaries)
- my closest friends, those people who I can share anything with, and who I have all the time in the world for. These people know the real, complete, and often unfiltered version of me (as much as my silly self concious self allows)
- my good friends, those people who I enjoy hanging out with and who I want to be around. Those people who I have deep shared connections with, people who I seek to add value to, and who add value to me when I'm around.
- people I lead, this includes for me youth students, those people who are really needy and don't necesarily return anything in the friendship, but you feel like you should be there for, and anyone else who I have a responsability for
- mentors, those older figures in my life who I can go to when I've messed up, when I'm confused, or when I'm curious. These pillars of gold in my life have been there and done that, and they can help direct me through the minefield that is being a young man. They might not consider themsleves a mentor to me, but they are people who I look up to like that.
- other aquaintances
Of all of these groups, I am savagely selective of who are my mentor figures and who are my closest friends. Like I said earlier, the people who you have to fill these places will change your life. So don't be hasty when allowing people to speak into your life, and make sure that you have people there who you can go to, be real with, and ask advice from. Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? I would argue that in 20 years, the people we have in these positions will matter far more than what or where we study, yet so often we fail to prioritise at all.
So a bit of a thought for you - Who are you surrounding yourself with?Who do you allow influence in your life?
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